Meaningful Lasting Gifts

We are now in the “Season of Giving”.
For some that means getting Christmas or Hannukah and other celebratory gifts purchased, wrapped, and sent. We plan gatherings for exchanging gifts and find many excuses to party!

For others it’s giving back in lots of ways, like showing appreciation, donating time, volunteering, or monitarily supporting our favorite nonprofit(s), which are all meaningful and often lasting gifts for those who benefit.

“Giving Tuesday” is annually the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. It’s a global movement to be generous in giving back to our communities. Founded in 2012 by United Nations Foundation, there is an organization and website for Giving Tuesday: https://www.givingtuesday.org.

As Giving Tuesday approaches, we are reminded and encouraged to participate by multiple entities.  Anybody can give in a small or big way, though it’s not only, or all, about giving money. 

(Note, “Giving Tuesday” is a NEW movement as it relates to my own personal years!)

Why just a "Giving Tuesday" or a "Season of Giving", when needs and connection with others never stops?  

Giving, receiving, and acts of charity have been around since ancient times.  Mankind formed communities long ago, working together for comfort, safety, and survival.

A community can consist of people living in the same place (whether single structure or spread out city) or those with common characteristics like shared purposes and goals.  ("Community" can also extend to the animal world.)

Consider the meaningful and lasting value of common acts in community giving, for instance:

• Welcoming new neighbors
• Delivering groceries to a housebound individual
• Accompanying someone who has no family to medical appointments
• Keeping an eye on a neighbor’s house if they must be away for extended periods of time
• Checking in on others to make sure they are okay
• Gathering families for a feast of thawed leftovers when the power goes out
• Lighting candles, lanterns, or bringing flashlights when it’s dark outside
• Delivering meals to families who lost a loved one.

Of course, community giving in larger communities may extend to serving meals at a soup kitchen, helping homeless find shelter, and volunteering time to a multitude of organizations that exist to serve a given sector of the community.

Celebratory “gift” giving of the season (or for any occasion), is most “meaningful” when we understand who we are gifting and what’s important to them.

When we give gifts, are we competing for a prize, the biggest praise, or to receive a gift of equal value in return?  Are we waiting for the moment of self-satisfaction that we got it right?

I am not a great “receiver”, being terribly anxious I won’t react the way the gifter hopes when they present their gift.  I am always worried I will hurt that person's feelings.  “Things” are totally meaningless to me, compared to the PEOPLE I am connected with! 

On my end, it's absolutely NOT about extravagance and "WOW".   It's all about the sentiments, the ways people touch our lives.

Here are 3 personal examples of very appreciated gifts I have received:

1. Roses and poetry for my 16th birthday from my dad (who was in the hospital at the time)!  I was at my Sweet 16 party, opening all the gifts brought by friends and family. When the roses and poetry arrived from my dad, nothing else mattered.

2. Theater tickets and dinner from my daughter to enjoy TOGETHER.  My daughter and I both love musical theatre, so attending a musical production is a treat by itself.  The most meaningful thing for me was that the gift was for us to share time together.  No matter how old we get, any time we share as mother and daughter is always a thrill for me (even a coffee date or walking her dog together.)

3. A surprise healthy birthday meal prepared by my husband, who studied my Weight Watcher recipe books, cooked, and served me on a beautifully decorated table. :)  My husband is always doing little things around the house every day to make life easier.  His love-language is acts of service.  I might guiltily enjoy the chocolate cake or brownie he thinks I'll like (while I wonder how I'll work off the extra calories), but the fact he went the extra 5 miles (just an expression) to support my interests and health, is so much more meaningful!

These gifts made me feel special and loved.  They show I truly mean something to that person.   It is never about the cash value or specific use of the gift.   

Have you ever hand-made meaningful gifts for those you love?

Many times, I just didn’t have the means to meet the expectations of extravagant (or even menial) gift-giving.  I used what I DID have.  I've have sewn or hand-made gifts for specific people, and I have used my creative skills too.

For instance, a friend invited me to her baby shower.  At the time, I was a 20 something down-and-out musician, earning just enough income to pay my rent.  Extras were not in my budget! I felt honored to be included in that invitation, but at a loss for what to do about it.

The most meaningful thing I could think of was to write a song for her. I penned lyrics, arranged guitar chords, and hand-notated a simple music score on staff paper.  I sang the song at the event, self-accompanying on the guitar, and handed my friend the hand-notated music as a keepsake.   Once I started traveling and performing on the hotel circuit, we lost touch.

30 years later, I found my friend through social media.  I was starting an album production and thought about recording the song I gave her on my first album.

We connected and I asked.  She said to me “I’ve been wondering about you!  Just the other day, I was looking through some open boxes and found the sheet music you wrote on top. My son, the subject of that song you wrote, is now married and a father of his own child!”

She didn't mind that I added that song to my album.  I produced it using a piano / vocal arrangement this time, slightly altering the lyrics for a more generic appeal.  (It's a lullaby called “Child of Lil’s” on my album “renewed”.)

Based on her reaction when we reconnected, that song was a meaningful lasting gift for her.   Now that I have published it, perhaps it will be meaningful for someone else too!

Good feelings and connection are gifts money can’t buy, AND meaningful lasting gifts.

Random acts of kindness fall into this category.  We touch people and people touch us in so many ways. It’s difficult to measure the impact of these interactions with folks we may never see again, though sometimes the initial act of kindness pulls us into a connection that eventually becomes mutual friendship or love. 

The fact is, we may never know how someone felt about an extended kindness, even if we do see them again.  Sometimes it's just a feeling we can't put our finger on.  Occasionally, we will recognize the source of that feeling but often the exact circumstance eludes our minds.

I find myself welcoming strangers all the time. When I see someone who looks lonely, I strike up a conversation. I often make eye contact and smile in the grocery store, walking down the street, in a crowded line, etc.  I am not consciously looking for reactions, but it is nice when folks smile back!  My mindset is more instinctively empathetic as I remember the times I, too, have felt alone, overwhelmed or sad.  Every so often, someone tells me how they feel about my aknowledgement or smile.  Of course, hearing that encourages me to continue doing more of the same!

Sometimes these random acts have a much bigger and delayed impact than we could imagine.

Looking back, I realize how everything changed for the better after being on the receiving end of an act of kindness.  Aside from the initial "feel good" moment, I gained a lifetime of richness that money can't buy.

This is a true story!  There was a time when I was down and out. I didn’t have a job, money, prospects, but I had a daughter to feed. I'd just had surgery and was in a bout of major depression. I could barely get myself out of bed.  Still, I tried to be responsible.  I contacted some temporary employment agencies to find anything that would get me up, dressed, out of the apartment, and pay for some groceries.

In November that year, an agency called me for a two-week temporary position.
It was in a small office with several other ladies doing some kind of paperwork. (I can picture the office, but not exactly what I was doing - or who I was doing it for.) The ladies at this office were very friendly and kind to me.

My last day of the two weeks came quickly.  One of the ladies, "Melinda", set a tiny Christmas Cactus in front of me and gave me a beautiful card.  The card text and design had quite a religious tone.  I am not a very religious person and the tone of the card might have made me slightly uncomfortable. However, instantly, I understood "it's the thought that counts".  The idea of the words she chose to write and her obvious intent to comfort and offer me hope was more meaningful than our differences in faith. 

I still have the card!  She handwrote, “I’ve enjoyed working with you – may all things work for good in whatever job God has in store for you, and may his peace go with you wherever you are."

Several weeks later, I was invited for a job interview.  The employer offered me a full-time position to start in January of that next year.

My tiny Christmas cactus stayed with me wherever I went, and eventually became a fixture on top of my file cabinet at my new job.

I trained with multiple others for 3 months to learn the processes at work.  I noticed one of them reading a book during break.  We struck up a conversation about books we liked to read.  And, so, a friendship developed.  Eventually we were seated in the same department and unit at work.  When we had time to socialize, we continued chatting about books, music, life, and my Christmas cactus.

One day, that friend said she was leaving our agency for another opportunity. The whole unit talked about honoring her in some way.  As I thought about it, I decided to "gift-forward" my now mature Christmas cactus.  It had served its purpose, growing with me into some happier and more productive times.  I wrote a poem for her and gave her the Christmas cactus along with best wishes, good luck, and hope for an amazing new future.

That poem morphed into a song I later published in 2010.  “This Christmas Cactus” is one of 3 songs on an EP called “Seasonal Sentiments”. 

At the time, the song lyrics referred to the month of November because I had received the cactus in the month of November, and my friend was also leaving her job in the month of November.

The song's sentiment also represented spirituality and gifting.  The song proposes we continue to pass the Christmas cactus along to someone who needs that cheer and comfort as they move forward.  I see it as creating a "legend" of sorts.

The original version of “This Christmas Cactus was quite long. It told the whole story, pretty much.

A couple of years ago, I adjusted the lyrics into a shortened version and used the month of December as a focus.  I've included this version in some December holiday performances.  Over the last few weeks, as I played and sang the song I was hit with some strong emotions, to the point of tearfulness!

I realized the woman who first gave me that tiny Christmas cactus plant so long ago, gave me so much more than a seedling to comfort me in a time of life distress.  I can't thank her enough, and I haven't a clue on how to find her!

The unexpected acts of kindness we give and receive can be very tiny, but bloom fully into life-changing moments and improvements.

Each small act embellishes who we were, who we are, who we'll later become.
Though we may never be able to directly recognize and credit the person(s) who extended those kindnesses, our thoughts, emotions, and actions thereafter can radiate appreciation and justification for those kindnesses.

To me, these life moments are the most meaningful and lasting gifts.

In honor and in tribute to my impactful “gifter” (Melinda) and receiver (Lavette), I spent the last few days illustrating my shortened version of “This Christmas Cactus” into a lyric video.

I will remember that act of kindness and the person who cared enough to give me hope.

I share that hope with you today, through my story, song lyrics, presentation, and visual imagery.

Here’s the link to “This Christmas Cactus” (short version) published tonight on YouTube. https://youtu.be/TodjqO2ePEI

“So, as you move towards your future, in a brand new place and time, remember the sweetest of memories on the road you left behind.”

Future and Past are also meaninful, lasting gifts!   May we always have something to look forward to and cherished memories to comfort us.